I look back at my life and see a thirty year hole.
I don’t want other people to suffer.
I know there are other people living as once I did, and I know there are people about to stumble.
In some ways, I’m quite angry. When I think of the difference between now and before. When I think back of a lifetime of school and media brainwashing me that I’m worthless, that I need to make finding sex and a partner the centre of my life but have no agency or choice to bring that about. I’m angry about a media that kept me isolated with one-sided body shaming and convincing me that I have to have a geneder and it requires me to sacrifice every one of my needs and wants with a dream of a partner or relationship, a mirage that simply doesn’t exist.
But I’m also grateful. Up until just a few years ago, I was like any other Forever Alone, despondent and accepting. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would live long enough to transform the way I have and to the degree I have. Somethings I wonder if I am even the same person, and in many ways I am not.
I’m grateful to have discovered the answer, a majestic answer I could have only have dreamed of. Yes, I over-compensated, but I can look back and some of the amazing encounters with beautiful people, deeply sexual, intimate, healing. I find solace in the fact that all of the pain, the isolation, was ultimately a spiritual quest. The way I had to grow to fly out of my self-imposed prison was an awakening I’ll take with me to the next world beyond. My sexual awakening was a union with reality itself. I wanted sexual healing and I got it, and I wanted sexual union and I more than got this also. Yet the whole journey was this deeper quest.
And I look back into the world now, the one I left behind. I look at people like me, on forums, planning suicide over body issues, asking how to accept never being touched between now and the grave, if it’s worth working for years saving thousands of dollars to visit one sex worker, saying how they cried at the experience of using dating apps, people losing everything in romance scams. All these people living in a hell I was in and escaped.
I found out how to heal me. I learned to create reality. I went forward and had sex, obsessively, with WAY over a hundred women, and ultimately I uncovered the spiritual quest I had always been on.
I want to write up how I did this, and logically, it is in three parts. Somebody taught this to me a few years ago. He doesn’t want to be personally involved in this site but I have his blessing. Over the years I’ve added to what he have me with my own experience and perspective.
What I want to teach is essentially in three parts. The first part is, simply, sanity.
The world is insane. It gives us insane messages and beliefs, insane in that there is no logic to the thinking we are brainwashed in. The first stage is to be logic, not crazy. To look at the crazy world, and withdraw from any source that is trying to make your beliefs be based on lies. This is done by understanding what logic is (sanity), applying it to your thoughts of the past and beliefs of the future. When you can do this on a moment-to-moment basis, i.e. never have another crazy thought again, there’s a chance it will be enough to be free in itself.
The second part is to be promiscuous. Yes, you read that right. But my problem was, I was stuck on sex, I was hung up and all my thoughts were crazy. Now I’m sane. Part of regaining that sanity was actually learning how to have sex, find partners, get over myself. I got my mind off of me. I was so self-conscious, but now I’ve had so many partners and they are all so different, shapes, sizes, expereiences, I had good and bad sex with them and it’s not all about me now. Yes, I went too far in terms of body count and there is no need to have as many partners as me if you don’t want to (but you can if you want), you can have enough but being mindful and aware of the sexual experiences you have, the sensations, thoughts, experiences, that the insight of the real world of sex and dating frees you forever from the demons that kept you in the darkness. Nowadays, I look at the crazy media giving me crazy messages about sex and trying to disempower and shame me, but the face it can never work and the insanity can never come back, not only as I am disiplined in logic and sanity, but I’ve had hundreds of sexual encounters and I simply know what is being told to me is untrue from my own experience, and this can be the case for you also. As unbelievable as it sounds, but at this point, you might just have to have faith, but I was where you were and now it HAS happened to me.
So the second part is to look at alternative sexual possiblities. Perhaps working out, traditional dating, dating apps, but likely this hasn’t worked already and so there is practical information about sex surrogates, workers and navigating the red light district.
The third part is reality creation. By becoming sane and disipling thoughts to be logic rather than crazy, then one is already close to being able to create the circumstances one desires by virtue of this disiplined mind. It’s possible to not only attract the sexual partners you need to practice mindful sex and freedom, but any other desire. And ultimately, at some point, with a mixture of disillusionment and concentration (it eventually becomes ‘meh, whatever, all the sex I want’), the mind can set a trajectory to free itself from a dead world of the senses to a new world of freedom and possibility.
All humans crave sex, connection, intimacy and love, and half the population are shamed and isolated because of this. A crazy world of lies keeps some people imprisoned, but the fact is that EVERYONE can be sex positive, no matter who they are, how their body is, disabled or not, ugly or handsome. Everyone can have all the sex they want to, in a way that is mindful and enlightening and freeing to the point of seeing that the union we all crave for is an ultimate.
This is my mission. I’ve cracked it. I want you to do so also. I want you to have sex. I want you to be free. I want everyone to be happy.