Black and white thinking
This is where two choices are presented as the ONLY possible choices (illogically). An example comes to mind where I was watching TV and a lady police officer arrested someone and explained what was going to happen, and the prefix to this was, “Now, there’s an easy way to do this and a hard way”. But as I watched the story unfold, it turns out “the hard way” meant asking for a lawyer or maintaining silence (your rights). The correct statement should have been, “I want you to act in a certain way that makes things easier for me”. Another statement which is less illogical would be, “There are two ways to do this, one that optimizes your chances of freedom and another which makes things easier for me.” Of course, a purely logical statement would be, “This is a complex situation going forward. We have opposite objectives; you want to stay free and I want to jail you. What is in my interest is not in your interest. I’ll make things easier for you if you insist on less of your rights”. But if she had have said that then she would have been fired.
There is one glaring false dilemma in isolated communities, that there is a hard and an easy way through life, and the easy one that causes happiness is having a partner. Perhaps you could write down all the ways you think it would make you happy, and is it a black and white dilemma? For example, one thing I often hear is ‘connection’, people want to feel understood and cared about, but does that have to be with a partner you are having monogamous sex with, is that the key? Is any variation discounted? I think a lot of people need to think about this one, especially men, because males often don’t connect with other men. Their male friendships can often be acquaintances and any deep connection with another human being has to be romantic, and it’s a false dilemma really (although I admit my male friends tend to be acquaintances and it’s not as easy as that).
Another example could be, someone saying that, if no one will date you, then you’re either too overweight or your standards are too high. Maybe that’s a trite example, but you need to train your awareness to immediately red flag any situation where two options are presented like this and CALL IT, – always THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.