This distortion involves applying set rules and expectation on oneself or others. The feeling that we, others or life itself, ‘should’ be a certain way. The obvious one is that we ‘should’ be in relationships, but there are also a lot of ‘shoulds’ around gender and what men and women ‘should’ be like.
I should be able to approach people and make conversation as an adult.
So if you cannot or have anxiety, then you ‘should’ feel bad. But we’re talking about being shy, should shy people feel bad? Is that a fixed state, or lacking a learnable skill?
I should have lost my virginity by [insert age]
Why? The number at the end depends on culture and gender also, and what is the correct answer, and is happiness possible if you have not? Are there examples of those who have not, by circumstance or choice, who are LIVING THE DREAM? Did you search? Don’t you think you SHOULD!
A little caution and reflection is needed. “I should have a romantic partner”. It could be argued that their is some stigma to being single. So in a sense this should statement is a distortion. It could be that, genuinely, it better suits you to not have a partner and be happy like that, in which case it is definitely a distortion. But it could also be the case a partner would indeed cause happiness. But that is a thing in itself. It’s a distortion to want something because of the feeling it’s required rather than genuinely wanting it. But if you do genuinely want something and don’t have it, it’s also a different distortion/s to think you cannot be happy without it.