So let us have a look at another one, which I also found in a Forever Alone forum (paraphrased):
Being shy is undoubtedly the most detrimental trait for a man to have in the dating world. While there are many factors that can contribute to being Forever Alone (FA), such as physical appearance, height, weight, or even coming across as creepy, it is possible to overcome these challenges and find success in dating. However, I have yet to see a single example of a shy man who doesn’t struggle with relationships. I firmly believe that shyness is the most damaging characteristic a man can possess in the dating market.
Society expects men to be charismatic, outgoing extroverts, and when we don’t fit that mold, people assume there is something wrong with us. This perception applies regardless of physical attractiveness. If a man is handsome but shy, he may be viewed as stuck-up or mentally ill, while an unattractive shy man is often seen as the lowest of the low. Interestingly, shyness is often considered a feminine trait, and men tend to find it endearing in women. However, evolutionary psychology suggests that shyness in men can subconsciously cause repulsion and disgust, as it signals incompetence and a lack of confidence when approaching potential partners.
Despite my physical attributes, such as height and decent looks, the girl I had been infatuated with chose to be with someone who was significantly shorter than me. I have a friend who suffers from Alopecia Universalis (a condition that causes complete hair loss) but still manages to attract women with ease. What excuse do they have for their success?
I acknowledge that there is a level of subjectivity in this matter. Many shy women face similar challenges in the dating world. However, in my experience, their chances of being approached by potential partners are significantly higher than those of shy men. Fortunately, shyness is a trait that can be improved upon. I am currently working on overcoming my shyness and have tried in the past, albeit unsuccessfully.
However, I am determined to change, as the alternative of dying a virgin is unacceptable. The last thing I need to do is give up entirely.
OK, bit by bit. It’s actually a positive post as he is acknowledging his agency at the end and resolves to improve and solve the situation, so it’s just a bit of a rant, but we’ll break it down logically anyway.
> Being shy is undoubtedly the most detrimental trait for a man to have in the dating world.
Not Tourette’s syndrome, blindness or psychopathic illness? Simply a false premise.
> While there are many factors that can contribute to being Forever Alone (FA), such as physical appearance, height, weight, or even coming across as creepy, it is possible to overcome these challenges and find success in dating.
True
> However, I have yet to see a single example of a shy man who doesn’t struggle with relationships. I firmly believe that shyness is the most damaging characteristic a man can possess in the dating market.
Repeats the same first premise. “The most damaging” is simply untrue. It’s also a false cause. Shyness stops you trying in the first place, so is it shyness, or trying? If a matchmaker fixed up a shy person with a confident one, and the latter was female (and the first male), is that a deal breaker, and would fixing up two shy people solve that?
If this was really bothering him, then it’s possible to find many biographical examples of shy men who had relationship success. Off the bat, Albert Einstein was famously socially awkward, but had two happy marriages.
> Society expects men to be charismatic, outgoing extroverts, and when we don’t fit that mold, people assume there is something wrong with us.
Mind reading error. People will assume you are shy. What about the stereotype (which I think is a positive one) of the strong, silent type? Men are naturally quiet compared to women, and shyness manifests as talking less (unless it’s full-blown panic attacks).
>This perception applies regardless of physical attractiveness. If a man is handsome but shy, he may be viewed as stuck-up or mentally ill, while an unattractive shy man is often seen as the lowest of the low.
Where? This is a vague generalization. Is there evidence for this? If so, it needs to be cited. Is there contrary evidence? YES. Again, off the bat: Keanu Reeves, he’s very quiet and retiring (shy traits) but never seen as stuck up, quite the opposite, most people say he’s humble. Another example is David Beckham. He is handsome, very rarely speaks and obviously shy, but married one of the most desirable women in the world at the time.
> Interestingly, shyness is often considered a feminine trait, and men tend to find it endearing in women.
Generalisation. It’s considered a feminine trait by who? Ask women if they feel that? Women tend to talk a lot more than men and very often, to me, seem more socially confident than men.
> However, evolutionary psychology suggests that shyness in men can subconsciously cause repulsion and disgust, as it signals incompetence and a lack of confidence when approaching potential partners.
Very emotive language. Firstly, approaching a potential partner is a confident act in itself, a deeply shy person wouldn’t do that. Is it possible to be shy, i.e. nervous and vulnerable but jump in and do it anyway?
Imagine this situation. A ‘shy’ guy approaches a woman to ask her out and says, “Hi. Look, I’m very nervous to jump in at the deep end and ask you out like this; I’m a bit shy so it’s WAY out of my comfort zone, but I wanted to ask if you’re free for lunch over the weekend? ” — do you think the average woman would feel “repulsion and disgust”?
> Despite my physical attributes, such as height and decent looks, the girl I had been infatuated with chose to be with someone who was significantly shorter than me.
Mind reading error. How an earth can you say that is due to confidence? Look for empirical evidence. What is the most common thing women specify on dating apps?
> I have a friend who suffers from Alopecia Universalis (a condition that causes complete hair loss) but still manages to attract women with ease. What excuse do they have for their success?
‘Excuse’ – look at the language there. They don’t need an excuse. Maybe he found some woman who loves bald men. Maybe it’s their interesting conversation
> I acknowledge that there is a level of subjectivity in this matter.
Too late. You’ve already stated all these distortions as facts. It doesn’t negate that BS by tagging that at the end.
> Many shy women face similar challenges in the dating world.
So why not analyse that with the other distortions?
>However, in my experience, their chances of being approached by potential partners are significantly higher than those of shy men.
Which will be a huge disadvantage for them when they age, no longer have their looks, and then will also still lack confidence – hitting “the wall” with nothing. Shy men have the incentive to grow. Rocks to be male!
> Fortunately, shyness is a trait that can be improved upon.
Yes!
>I am currently working on overcoming my shyness and have tried in the past, albeit unsuccessfully.
Keep going!
>However, I am determined to change, as the alternative of dying a virgin is unacceptable.
Black and white thinking/false dilemma. The choice isn’t a stark, be confident or die a virgin. Clearly that’s insanity, or there would be a LOT more virgins over 90, and I think it’s pretty rare.
> The last thing I need to do is give up entirely.
So keep going.